Sunshine Through The Rain

It's amazing what praying, believing and having faith can do to you in any situation. Good or bad, if you turn to God, and cast your cares upon him, the worries, the broken hearts, and your problems will seem a little better than it was before. Not to mention having positive, and strong Christians as your friends help as well. That's why I'm so blessed to have my best friend Liz, as well as Amanda be there for me after yesterday's beautiful disaster. I can always count on Liz to to pick me up and set me straight when I get of my path, she's the only person that I believe gets my sick humor, no matter what I do, good or bad, she will find some sort of humor in it. For the simple fact, she doesn't expect anything less of me. I've known my other friend Amanda through our church and we just clicked right away, her beautiful soul, kind spirit and wisdom is always comforting. The both of them bring smiles to my face, through my tears, and heartache. I'm not perfect, or do I ever plan on being perfect, but in order for me to better myself I have to let go. I must let go of the hurt, the anger, and the past. I must let go of the one I once loved and cared for. It doesn't mean that I stop caring for him, it means to have what is the opposite of love. Which is indifference; instead of being angry all the time and so emotional into this person, I have to stop caring so much, apart of the reason why I care so much is the fact that I want to protect my son, I can't get past the point of trusting my ex around our son, I fear the worse.

I know for a fact that he's dating his bosses daughter, I'm not an idiot, and I'm pretty sure he will deny it if I asked him about it. The thing is I don't ask, because I already know, and everything that comes out of his mouth about him or her is a straight up lie. I have my sources and God didn't make me an idiot, he gave me a brain and blessed me with common sense. I saw this a mile away and to be honest, I think it's funny. **Shurgs shoulders** It is what it is and I'm happy that he found the one. After my long talk with Liz and Amanda, it has set everything in perspective, I lost my track last night, but I'm human, if I didn't have any emotions or feelings about my ex, they would be worried, it's not the ones that are angry you should be worried about, but the ones who don't care, the ones who don't care if you die or not, the ones that don't care about a single thing in your life. My friends have told me this more than once, God is going to bless me someone that is ten times better, who's going to love Ryan and be that amazing father figure in his life, love me more than anyone has ever had, and will be everything and more that I wanted in a person. To that it honestly puts me in the best place ever, and I'm so happy that at the end of this rough road, and uphill struggle, God is going to bless me one day. I will continue to wait patiently and keep my walk with God in order. 

It's a brand new day today, and the new year is quickly approaching, my New Year's resolution is to close this chapter of my ex and I for good! I'm ready to move on, and he's happy. I owe it to my son for him to see his mommie happy and full of life. I let this relationship of my ex drag me down far enough, to the point I became this awful person full of hate and rage towards him. I smile here sitting while typing my blog, because I know there is better things to come, and better days. In life we have our good and bad days, but it's what you make of it. My situation can be a lot worse, but I'm thankful that God has opened my eyes and given me the heart and mind to want to change for the better. Everything else shouldn't matter, the relationship that John** has with Sally** and the lies and denials he continues to tell me about them. It has nothing to do with me, I'm just the person looking from the outside in. I should also let go and let John** be the father to our son, instead of thinking of the worse, but step in if I feel the need to. No matter what happens who I'm married to or my ex, I will be the most protective one of my son. I carried this baby for nine months, took care of him on my own with minor help for my family and my ex, I have the rights as Ryan's mother to protect him and keep him out of harms way. I will, be the first one to check his father straight, his father's girlfriend/wife, my husband, and anyone else that puts my son in harmful or hurting position. Yes, I'm that mom, you have to be afraid of. Real Talk, it's not a threat, it's a warning. You can ask anyone that knows me and loves me, that I'm very protective about the ones I love and once someone crosses that line, I'll be the first one to defend them.

I'm so thankful for my family, and friends. Gosh, I spent so much of my time and energy on the negative aspect of my life, that I never allowed myself to be happy and live my life. I'm thankful for God giving me another day to change my life, and fix the problems that I have in my life. I'm thankful for God waking me up this morning to the smiling face of my little boy, where the first thing he does every morning is give me a kiss and lays on my chest. When I see Ryan every morning I know everything is going to be okay. I'm thankful for my morning talk with my best friend Liz, we can talk for hours, and laugh about anything. My friend Elizabeth is like my cup of coffee, where it's the pick me up of your day, and I'm so thankful that I have a friend like her. We spend our whole life trying to find that group of girls that we want to be apart of, or that click. Our click was formed through God, we love each other, but also our relationship has grown, because we love God. That is a bond that is stronger than most marriages, a bond that only certain ones can create. We all have our girls, but only certain ones have friends. Amen!

 Through the rain will always be sunshine, once the storm is gone, there will be a rainbow. I'm a lot happier, after praying and thinking about my situation in my life with my ex, moving and work, I know whatever God has in plan for me it will be a good one. I trust in God, that if I stay faithful to him he will bless me with everything that I want and more.

**John or Sally is not the name of my ex and his girlfriend.**